PDA ON THE WWW

“I love you so much babe!” Posted 11:57p.m.

“Aww, I love you too babe! Happy 2 month anniversary!!” Posted 11:58p.m.

With the increasing amount of interactions between people all over social media, there is a trend between a pair who enjoy openly expressing love, excitement, and joy with the world by posting a tremendously annoying amount of text/pictures on their Facebook walls. On the contrary, there are others who don’t like to keep their social media updated as often, as if they prefer keeping their personal relationships to themselves as private information. So how does this use of media exactly affect those who are already in a relationship, and those who do not display as much “PDA” happen on the interweb?

Journalists often like to follow popular and personal social media sites in order to utilize public tweets for news stories. A fairly recent article by Meredith Engel shares that while some people who are in a relationship like to brag about their life story together, some are simply suffering from a lack of relationship reassurance, desiring to let it be known to the public that they are indeed, in a loving relationship. Surprisingly, there are more introverted people who take advantage of the internet to share the things that they are too afraid to share in public.

Then does that mean that those who do not utilize the internet to share posts of their significant others don’t really have anything to brag about? Possibly. Aren’t insecure about their relationship? Definitely not! Every person and every relationship is bound to be different. Couples who enjoy posting about one another on the internet frequently doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship they are in, is in danger. Nor does it mean that pairs who don’t often share things with the public are perfect in maintaining their relationship.

 

How Online Dating Affects the Outcome of Romantic Relationships; Will They Thrive Or Will They Crumble?

When social interaction and communication were introduced onto the Internet, as was also the concept of meeting your new romantic partner through a screen. The ultimate goal of online dating is to find your perfect match. However, online dating is a very peculiar process that makes people wonder whether it works for those seeking long-term relationships.

One of the major aspects of online dating is providing an image of yourself for your personal profile. When people view your profile the first thing they may notice is your physical appearance. This can easily influence their level of attraction towards you and it affects whether or not they decide to show any interest in you.

One of the most popular dating platforms to meet people, which is mainly used by the younger generation, is the application called Tinder. When presented with an image of someone, an individual can easily swipe left or right to declare whether or not they are interested in this person. Apps that push an emphasis on physical looks are successful in setting up “hook ups” as opposed to long-lasting relationships. As shallow as it might seem, majority of the dates that apps like Tinder help to set up are actually just meet ups that allow people to satisfy their physical attraction through instant pleasure and gratification, otherwise known as sex. The problem with apps like Tinder is that they reinforce the idea that looks are more important than personal qualities or characteristics, although those are the kinds of things that matter most in the long run.

If users of dating sites don’t like how you look in your picture then they won’t even try to build a relationship with you – it’s as simple as that. With online dating there is too much emphasis on physical attraction than that of emotional. In addition, couples who meet online are more likely to break up or get a divorce compared to couples who meet traditionally (in person). One reason for this is that due to the endless scrolling and swiping of profiles that are presented, online dating platforms put users in the mindset that they always have another opportunity to meet someone else, perhaps someone with better qualities.

So, as much as instant physical gratification and innumerable options for partners are nice to have, nothing beats the success that traditional “in person” meeting and dating leads to when it comes to romantic relationships.

L. Macalalad

Did Facebook create jealousy in your romantic relationship?

Did Facebook create jealousy in your romantic relationship?

Before Facebook became ubiquitous, my romantic relationship was much “simpler.” When I had conflict with my girlfriend, it was more of a fact-based conflict. But as Facebook and other social websites became popular, it changed the nature of romantic relationship.

In the Does Facebook Bring Out the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy? article, the author Doctor Desmarais examines if the use of Facebook creates jealousy in romantic relationships. Based on the study case of three hundred eight undergraduate students, Doctor Desmarais argues that “Facebook loop,” which is created by ambiguous information about partner’s activity on Facebook, generates infinite jealousy loop in romantic relationship. Using Facebook, it is easy to observe other people’s social interactions. However, it may not present the whole picture. It could be part of the conversation and it can be misleading without further information. Using Facebook, one could easily observe one’s significant other’s social interactions. However, not having enough information, it might lead to jealousy. In this article, Doctor Desmarais argues that the montioring one’s partner on Facebook is correlated with Facebook-related jealousy.

Not everyone responds the same way to feeling jealous. In Creeping or just information seeking article, the author Amy Muise analyzed gender differences in response to feeling jealous. In her study, she creates experiment to see how different genders react differently to feeling jealous. The study concludes that women are more likely to spend more time monitoring their partner on Facebook when they feel jealous. Furthermore, she argues that the more time one monitors on Facebook, more jealous one becomes. She argues that the “anxious attachment” is what promotes “spying” one’s partner on Facebook.

Both of these studies showed that using Facebook to monitor one’s partner eventually leads one to “Facebook loop” that keeps creating jealousy. Sharing information about oneself is important part of relationship. However, Facebook often tries to ask like a “fast lane” for knowing more about others in short time and I believe it is not working. One’s activity on Facebook might be interpreted differently with the lack of information. My girlfriend and I decided to deactivate our Facebook accountes last year so we can lean about each other in human level. Since then, I didn’t have to face any “Facebook jealousy” from my girlfriend and I couln’t be happier.

– SUNG WON KIM

Intensity of Facebook use: self-satisfaction and self-disclosure

We build strong bond and romantic relationship with people on Facebook every day. I mean, almost every day. But, have you thought about why you would like to use Facebook and wondered if there is anything affects your decision on using Facebook? The research has found that self-satisfaction and self-disclosure are two main factors which will affect users’ intensity of Facebook use positively and negatively. It is quite interesting to discover how human’s inner world works to have such big effect on our communication of romantic relationship with others on Facebook.

The first article wrote by Reynol Junco argues that people with more self-satisfaction tend to use Facebook more and “perform” well when communicating with friends on Facebook, especially with someone in romantic relationship. I believe it is true because as for me, I only speak and chat openly and freely when I feel confident. Confidence somehow in my opinion is the product of self-satisfaction. For instance, I have some friends who recently just found their first job after graduated. They suddenly became another kind of people who were extremely confident to face new challenges and new life, and they shared their happiness with me on Facebook immediately. Some people say that they are showing off, but I think the reason why they “performed” like that on Facebook is because they feel satisfied to themselves, to their working abilities. For those days after they got their jobs, I could see their posts about happiness and excitement on Facebook every day, every moment. Obviously, self-satisfaction increases their intensity of Facebook use.

In contrast, the article about self-disclosure and its relationship with Facebook using wrote by Whitney and Kirsten gives us a totally opposite view of how our inner world affects our decision on Facebook using. It argues that users with self-disclosure do not use Facebook to communicate much. These users keep them silent and cut off the connection with the outside world due to their mental problem. For example, users who have self-disclosure may suspend their account and stop using Facebook anymore. Stop using Facebook and any romantic relationship with others maybe is their way to protect themselves from being bothered by people around them.

We see Facebook is not only a bridge connecting users’ inner worlds with outside worlds, but it is also the medium to reflect people’s themselves.

True Intimacy vs. Digital Intimacy

Digital advancements allow us to do what we’ve always done – find and build a meaningful relationship with another. But in this world of social media, we’ve gained a rigid control over the way in which we initiate and maintain those relationships, especially in the dating world.

We’ve replaced real kisses with kissing emojis, real laughs with quick ‘haha’ texts, and real intimacy with what appears to be a distance, digital form of communication.

This calls for a redefinition of intimacy.

How can we achieve closeness when our social media profiles highlight our good features and sweep the others under the rug? How can we judge the sincerity and fervor of our partner when most of our conversing, promising, and arguing is done over carefully-typed texts?

But by no means am I suggesting that digital intimacy can’t be true intimacy, because, if nothing else, social medias do offer us a way to stay connected to our loved ones when face-to-face communication isn’t an option. But it also allows them to ignore one another in each other’s physical presence.

Dates, dinners, parties, and most other social events give a new meaning to the word ‘social’. I see it everyday. People out at dinner, not talking but rather texting under the table, or guests at a party choosing to scroll through Instagram rather than meet new people. When did we have to start competing with an iPhone to get someone’s attention?

I’m just as guilty as they are. The process of getting to know someone by asking them questions about their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and so on has been diminished and trivialized. Why should we put in the effort to learn things about someone when those things are blatantly stated on their online profile?

Though this phenomenon alone may not seem to pose many problems, the paradigm of physical intimacy has become enveloped by the digital world. We use social media to connect at an intimate level while remaining physically disconnected.

In a world were we seem to be increasingly connected, we are isolating ourselves more than ever. Our texts and status updates tell our partner everything they need to know about how we’re feeling or how our day went. I wonder, when the phones are put down, what will be left to say?

Provocations of Jealousy by Social Media Content; Where Do Relationships Go From Here?

As a result of the continuously growing pool of social media outlets being operated on, jealousy is a recurring convention of emotional responses that has intrinsically become embedded into romantic relationships.

Being a public domain, one of the most popular social media sites, Facebook, allows an individual to see whether someone else’s relationship status is displayed, whom they recently added as friends, and (depending on privacy settings) what specific content is posted on their timeline. However, with increased screen-to-screen communication but limited face-to-face communication between couples about their online content, social media outlets are breeding sites for jealousy and mistrust in romantic relationships.

Online content being posted, shared, or even brought up from the past may play a critical role in making or breaking a romantic relationship between two people. Triggers of jealousy, as well as suspicion and mistrust, include flirtatious interactions documented via messages, pictures, or wall posts on social networking sites and can be damaging to a relationship if not clearly communicated about.

It is extremely important that couples discuss what they would like each other to remove, if anything, from their respective social media sites so that they both are comfortable viewing his/her content without viewing a past photo they are tagged in and cringing at the fact that the love of their life was once with another person.

While it may be true that social media outlets can easily generate emotions that might endanger a relationship, social media sites are also capable of allowing couples to be more transparent with each other. This, to me, is what is missing from the two aforementioned articles’ arguments. This is one of the positives about social media in romantic relationships. The articles’ points that an individual’s social media content associated with previous romantic interests will lead directly to a slippery slope ending of the relationship makes it underdeveloped. They are underdeveloped in the sense that these negative situations can be prevented with clear communication and online consciousness from the get-go.

Nevertheless, while jealousy is not the only dimension for a relationship vulnerable to disintegration, once communication about specific content online takes place, there will be one less thing to worry about.

 

-L. Macalalad

THE TRUTH BEHIND A PERSONAL PROFILE? CATFISHING IS A VERB

Online dating websites have quickly become a hot source of connections between people all over the world. In a recent research, statistics reveal that people have tried online dating at least once in their lifetime. While the use of online dating sites through social media might enables one to easily meet new people and experience something new and thrilling in their lives, not every relationship that came out of these sites end up in a happily ever after.

Catfishing” which is a term that describes a person who publicize false personal information, in order to intentionally draw someone’s interest towards you. As absurd as this may sound, catfishing is a lot more prominent than we can imagine, enough so that an entire TV show had been produced out of it. Insane, isn’t it? Each episode describes a story of a victim who had fallen deeply in love with someone they had just met over the Internet. One episode tells the story of a victim who was thought to have been in a loving relationship with a young, beautiful lady when in fact, turned out to be an overweight, middle-aged wife and mother.

On top of the mental and emotional harm there is to online dating, there are people so consumed by this idea of building relationships that are pursued over the internet that there are people willing to provide thousands and thousands of dollars for someone they only know through a screen. One woman, who had quickly been tied into a romantic relationship with a man under a false name, had given away up to $150,000 in just four short months.

Try typing in the Google search bar, and there you’ll see options that say “online dating sites that _____” or “actually works” or “do background checks”. Personally, I would prefer a physical connection rather than an internet connection. However, knowing that apps like these were created simply for community building and healthy relationships to be made, I can see that everybody has their reasons for these usages, whether it is due to loneliness or the time is ticking for marriage. I would encourage one to take extra precautions of the red flags.

Nevertheless, the resources are out there, free and open to the public. Who knows, maybe the satisfying marriage you’d dreamed of becomes yours with today’s technology.